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Opportunity Knocks

I received a spam email this morning notifying me of various job opportunities with the “Freddy Kreuger Company.”

From the email: “We would not want to waste your time or our times if you have a criminal record.” Really, Freddy Kreuger?

Sadly, they only listed jobs like “admin clerk.” I was hoping for “Reaper of Dreams.”

I’m an idiot

Why not fix the outdoor solar lights on a cold evening after taking a shower?

I need adult supervision. Or to go back to work so I will stop coming up with idiotic projects to fill the day.


I walked past a man asking for spare change in front of the Kramerbooks today. Walking in the opposite direction was a pair of men, about my age, holding hands.

The guy asking for change looked at them, shook his head and said: “Relationships, man. Hmphft.”


Three preteen trick-or-treaters offered to train my cat to be a warrior.


My husband reports that there is a panhandler/performance artist at 20th and M who is repeatedly shouting:

“I’M about to be MARRIED into OLD MONEY! If YOU give ME just ONE DOLLAR then WE can get YOU out of this RAT-INFESTED DUMP!”

If you’re in that area, I suggest checking it out. Sounds like a good offer.

Movie idea

Movie idea: 50 Shades of Jean Grey

Appropriate Name

Screen shot 2013-10-28 at 8.11.23 PM

Disappointing double-take

I did a double-take at the name “Mao, Howard.”

Nyuk nyuk nyuk.


Overheard in the work kitchen:

“Come on. Eat the bug meat. It is delicious.”


Him: How much McDonald’s have you had today?
Her: One of each.